Reality

the reality that i'm going to have a baby is beginning to set in. when i was still working, it was as if the baby reality was far far away...as long as i was working, i'd stay pregnant. ha ha, i'd say that was a bit of denial. now that i'm home and have more time to think (and nap thankfully) it's becoming a reality. another helpful hint are these new pains that are hitting me low low in my belly...braxton hicks? real contractions? who knows? how would i know?

so now i'm just waiting. i'm paranoid about going out because i'm afraid my water will break in a public place. i'm scared for jeff to go too far away, even though i know labor will likely take several hours and he'd be home in time. i'm scared to sit on my nice couch. i'm scared to squeeze this baby out of me.

i've packed my bag. no more denial there.

i need to decide on a few things...am i really going to breastfeed? is she really going to sleep in our room at first? can i really handle having a baby? what pajamas am i going to wear in the hospital? what is the baby's middle name? am i really happy with the first name that we've picked? what's her going home outfit? what's mine? (these last two are just sooooo important in the grand scheme of things)

i wish it was spring...i think i'd feel better about everything. maybe i'll open the windows and pretend.

my other reality? i will miss being pregnant. i will miss having my tiny friend with me at all times. i will miss her little movements. i will miss holding my belly and knowing she is safe. but i will give this all up so i can see her cute face and hug her precious little body.