today was a hard day at work. i found out that one of my young patients was found dead by her husband this morning. it appears that she overdosed but we don't know for sure. she had two small children who are now left without a mother. i spent a lot of time with this patient...trying my hardest to get her to wean down on her medications. she was taking high doses of narcotics, thankfully not prescribed by me, and was living in chronic pain. having dealt with chronic pain, i took special time with her and tried to pay attention to any clues she was giving about her psychiatric state. pain like that can really mess up your head...can take the most stable person and make them suicidal... i talked with her on the phone, saw her in our office, talked to her providers and pharmacists, made suggestions to try to get her help. it wasn't enough. i'm sad tonight for her and for her children and for her husband who will never get that image out of his head. my collaborating physician said i did everything right and did my best, but if someone's dead did you really do your best? i know there are factors that are out of my control, but could i have done more for her?
i chose the work i am doing so that i could help people, so that i could be there when someone was hurting, so that i could heal the pain and the sadness. i think i am doing that and am proud of the work i do. i spent an hour with a couple at the end of my day, counseling them about the early-onset dementia that the man has...providing care and wiping the tears. i think that spending this time with them showed me why i do what i do, made me want to come back tomorrow. but i am sad for this patient...i am sad that i won't see her again...i am sad that i don't get another chance to help her. RIP KP.
A great post about a tough subject. People die, and most of our patients are people. It sounds like you did a fantastic job with this woman, worked, collaborated, and advocated for her. Sometimes even when you do all that, they still die, sometimes it is inevitable, and sometimes it was seemingly preventable and yet somehow still not. And while dealing with the loss, you have to start the cycle again of working with a family that at some point, is going to be hit with a loss. And maybe you can help slow it down, but you can't stop it.
ReplyDeleteI'm proud of you for making a difference in this womans life. Working with chronic pain patients can be brutal. But sounds like you always remembered the person behind the pain.
Wow...that made me so sad. You are the best person for this job. Not only because you "get" chronic pain and how it can change a person, but because you really want to help people get to a better life. You did what you could for her, but in the end, it's out of your control. I'm sure that couple at the end of the day appreciated what you did so much...not all providers are going to do that.
ReplyDeleteHEY! Where's my first comment? Love, Mom
ReplyDeleteAh, now I get how to do it. What I said this morning was that your post made me cry but I'm glad you're writing again. You have so much to share and I'm very proud of you, my daughter.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you had to experience this. I can't imagine how tough it is. It's one of my biggest worries at work every time I write a script or think that someone is using their rx improperly. It's so sad to think all that she's left behind either purposely or accidentally. You tried, you worked hard and probably put more thought and effort in then any of her other providers. Keep doing the good work you do, it makes a difference...
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