Things no one told me about pregnancy

i've decided to keep a list of the things that have surprised me about pregnancy. you would think that i know a lot, having taken a nursing course on mother AND baby as well as being an aunt to twins and sister to a woman who shares almost everything about herself. apparently not. i started this list early on, probably around 6 weeks and now i'm at 21 weeks. you can almost sense the progression in the statements below:

1. the severity of morning sickness. wtf?! if i had known what this is truly like, i wouldn't have done it. i'd rather pay $40K for a kid than do this again.
2. explosive diarrhea. enough said.
3. prenatal vitamins make you sicker. wtf?!
4. what is with the menstrual cramps?
5. my sense of smell is uber-sensitive. things i used to love now make me gag...garlic cooking, pasta, coffee, toasted bagel, cologne, soap from bath & body.
6. i have no desire to eat...nothing appeals to me...but if i don't eat then i'm nauseous. well i'm nauseous no matter what i do so i'm SOL i guess.
7. i have to eat smaller meals. i just can't fit in all the grub i used to eat!
8. when i sneeze or turn over, i feel like my abdomen is ripping apart...damn ligaments.
9. i can't eat meat. i'm a meat lover and i can't eat meat! i can't even smell it. it makes me gag.
10. pregnancy is the best diet i've ever been on...i've lost 10 pounds!
11. the whole "is this baby or is this fat?" question is hysterical to me. i ask myself every day.
12. why so many headaches?
13. i'm either hungry or full, but never comfortable in between.
14. i have to eat all the time!
15. the constipation is ridiculous. i celebrate my poops the way my 3-year-old niece and nephew celebrate their poops. it's like an olympic event now.
16. never miss a pooportunity.
17. when i get up to pee during the night, i feel like i'm drunk. one of these days i'm going to fall.
18. i have zero energy. i'm creating a permanent ass indent in my couch.
19. i cry at everything now. i may start embarrassing myself soon with the tears.
20. it seems like everyone is pregnant with me. i am truly touched by the excitement and happiness from others.
21. when i get up too fast i almost black out. no fun.
22. i do my best thinking around 4am, usually after the 3rd or 4th pee of the night.
23. i have little ability to make decisions so registering, planning parties, and choosing a baby name may be a tad difficult for me.
    
24. feeling bloated already and i have a million weeks to go...should be fun.
25. the baby movements never felt like gas as people promised it would. gas feels like gas. the baby feels like a little person trapped in a balloon, which essentially it is.