Dear neighbor

Dear neighbor,

One night last week most of the neighbors had gathered in the street to say hello and catch up.  I went outside to say hi and give a compliment...to you actually.  Before I could say a word, you commented on how I must be "working on my tan," a comment on how white my skin is.  And then repeated it again in case someone missed it.  I was taken aback at what you said, wondering why you had chosen to be insulting instead of complimentary.  In that moment I decided to keep my compliment to myself.  Embarrassed, I went back inside.  Your comment stayed with me for the evening and most of the week.  I was upset and angry and tearful.

I decided not to say something nasty back to you that night, for fear of looking just like you.  I also didn't want to sound defensive, even though I was.  After thinking about it, I decided that what you need is a little information and then maybe next time, you'll choose to be complimentary instead of insulting.  I am Irish so I have skin that burns just at the mere mention of the sun.  That's not my biggest issue though...my issue is that because of lupus, I get a rash from the sun.  It's itchy and painful and bright pink...embarrassing for me throughout the summer.  I try to wear long sleeves and long pants to protect myself and hide the rash.  But that evening it was too hot for pants and so I wore shorts. I never thought anyone would notice my skin.  

There's nothing I want more in life than to live on the beach, to sit in the sand, to feel the sun on my face.  I have a daughter who loves being outside more than anything else.  It breaks my heart that I can't be outside with her.  Sometimes I try, but I pay the price later.  

So neighbor, the next time you see me please remember why my skin is so white.  Please remember that behind closed doors, people are going through things that you don't know about.  If you choose to say something, please be complimentary, be supportive.  If someone else is being insulting, please be my champion.  

Sincerely,
Me