39-36-41

those are my new measurements...39-36-41. guess that means i still have curves, but trust me they're all in the wrong places. i have no idea what my old measurements were but they were smaller than that! and i'm not measuring my face or neck because those are just so disgustingly large right now that the numbers wouldn't even be funny. although maybe i should do it and write them down in a secret place. hmmm... i meant to take a new face picture the other day to post because people have said it's gotten worse. maybe tomorrow.

well, i came to a realization the other day...things are finally settling down from the seriously acute phase that they were in. for the past three months i've been flaring and going on meds and had a million questions about meds, pregnancy, surrogacy, and adoption. my head has been spinning with all the information and appointments and conversations. now i can say that things are calming down as i go back on my medications, wean off the prednisone, and get answers to my questions. hopefully all of that will bring me to a good place where my body is calm enough to be pregnant. i'm in my second week of the enbrel now and am down to 30mg a day of the prednisone. i have a doctor's appointment this friday with my rheumatologist and an appointment on the 17th with another rheumatologist for a second opinion on meds and pregnancy. after that, hopefully i'll be smooth sailing for a few weeks.

i was at a dinner party the other night and a girl was innocently taking pictures that i was refusing to be in. she kept pressing me (she was a little drunk) and i finally said to her "look, it's hard enough for me to come out in public like this and i do not want a record of it." she got the message. honestly though, until i see a picture or look in the mirror, i forget that i look like this. it's a shock to me every time, believe it or not, and i'm horrified that i've left the house. so please, no more pictures...i'm trying to keep living my life but i want no record of my appearance.

my mom's coming up this weekend and i can't wait. she's been very busy working on her house and i'm hoping she brings that energy up to mine! i have lots of projects and want to start getting ready for our end-of-summer party...i know she'll be a big help. only a few more days of work and then the fun begins!