being real

hold on...pity party in the works. this is one of those posts that i should write and not post, but since it's my f'ing blog i'm going to post it because i can't be holding this shit in.

the funny thing about chronic disease is that it never goes away. common sense because it's called chronic. but i don't think the patients or those around them ever truly believe that a chronic disease will actually be chronic. patients often go off their meds when they're not feeling symptoms...those with hypertension, depression, pain syndromes...they say well i was feeling good so i stopped the medication. chronic is chronic, not going away. unfortunately for those around us with chronic disease, that means they have to deal with it forever too. and that's just not acceptable to most people.

and really, when i was on my meds my worst thing was that i would be really tired and sometimes a little sore here and there, but really so much better than i am right now. so when i go off my meds to try to do something that i thing is for a good cause for me and my husband and family, i enter into this world of chronic pain that is just ridiculous. and not going to end for a long time...and i'm having trouble dealing with it right now. i'm sure it'll pass, but still.

the other funny thing about chronic disease is that it is a nusiance to those who have it and maybe more so to those around them. i mean really, who wants to hear that you feel like crap on a daily basis, even if it's true? so those with chronic disease start to hold it in, try to do things on their own that they know will hurt them so they don't bother anyone, protect those around them from what's really going on so people don't worry, and not ask for help because we don't want to bother people. people just say, why don't you ask for help? well honestly, if i asked for help with every thing that i needed help with, it would go on all day. i can't
pull up the covers or
put on clothes or
take a shower or
put on my makeup or
make breakfast or
drive to work or
do my job or
type my notes or
go grocery shopping or
wrap a gift or
pull out my wallet or
take a walk or
hold my cat or
put my hair up or
make my tea or
light a candle or
open the door or
hug someone

without pain. so you tell me how often i'm supposed to ask for help...and how often you would respond.