Home sweet home

well it's been a while since i posted... i went to nashville for an NP conference for six days and i feel like it was the longest trip ever! the conference was excellent and very empowering for a new NP. i attended several lectures and learned a ton, especially things that will help me in my job every day. i've already used some of the things i've learned since i've been back. i got to see two friends from school and we basically had all our meals and some classes together. i was so glad they were there because i didn't want to be alone! we didn't get to stay at the hotel where the conference was held, which was like a resort, but instead got to stay in the radisson which was NOT on the same level. i had to cheat on my veggie diet because really the only veggie options were salads and i didn't want to eat that at every meal. i missed my morning fruit smoothies, that's for sure!

while i was in nashville, my body gave out piece by piece. even on the first day, trekking around the airport was difficult and literally every place i needed to go was at the furthest point from where i started. lots of walking right off the bat, and that didn't stop once i got to nashville. there was so much walking and stairs and of course, i tried to keep up. yes i used elevators and escalators when i could, but really things were just far away. i noticed strange lumps on my worst knuckle...interesting. i also noticed a rash on my legs on the first day that still hasn't gone away. it's a lovely cherry red against my whiter-than-white skin. very itchy and painful so i'm trying not to scratch. i hurt my knee getting out of a van one night and that hasn't gotten better, nice and swollen. i can't bend some of my joints all the way due to swelling, so when i bent my knee too far it got hurt. oh and then on friday i noticed that my feet were swollen. it was 95 degrees there and i had been outside so i thought it would go away, but it hasn't. so now i'm the one with pitting edema, not my patients. lovely. let me tell you how attractive i look at this point...ha ha ha...

had a breakdown on monday night. jeff and i were literally together for 7 hours before he flew out monday morning, which was part of it. then i was just hurting and having trouble with the whole skin, edema, lumpies things...really having trouble walking. and at this point i really don't know if i can keep this whole thing going. so it's not as simple as "go back on your meds" because saying that means "you can't get pregnant"...which means the past 8 months of coming off the meds and being in pain (not to mention being a pain in the ass) was for nothing and means i don't get to have my own baby. i don't give up easily but all these new symptoms are really making it difficult to keep going.

going to the doctor tomorrow and bringing pictures for him. i'm also going to wear my "i'm not crazy...just a little lupie!" t-shirt for him. that appointment will probably lead into some big conversations between jeff and me this weekend. i'll update after the appointment.

oh i almost forgot to add pictures! don't get too grossed out...