long update

just realized that i haven't posted for a long time...between being sick and my hands hurting, i haven't been able to write.

i'm really at the end of my rope and haven't been feeling well. all that was going on made me feel depressed. i've been out of touch with everyone and never really want to talk. i keep making myself go to work because i want to make money and i think it would be more detrimental to stay at home and sit in my misery, but i really don't want to go anymore. i don't want to go until i feel better and can be a good NP. i feel like i'm shorting my patients when i'm sick because i don't pay enough attention. it's not like anyone is going to die because of it but i'm definitely not at 100%. i almost asked for a leave of absence this week. and last week. and the week before that. i don't want to work when i'm sick. and it's not like i can call out sick because i'm sick every day!

every time i think i'm getting better, something else happens. my knee starts to improve and i get a migraine...the migraine improves and my hands go to hell...my hands start to improve and my foot hurts... seriously??? i'm out of energy for dealing with all this shit.

i did end up starting acupuncture and i feel pretty good about it. no major improvements yet but it's only been 3 sessions. i'll be going twice a week and i really like the acupuncturist. she worked as a nurse for a long time before going to school for acupuncture. i'm interested in seeing how it goes. i also got the MRI done on my knee and got the report back the other day. turns out my knee is a whole lotta mess - bone marrow edema, tendon ganglion, bakers cyst, mcl sprain, cartilage loss, etc. i'll be going over it with my doc on friday and should have a better picture of next steps then.

i spent last weekend at my sister's house with my husband and the twins. what a weekend! i had such a good time taking care of the kids and jeff was wonderful. he did so much that weekend and it was so nice seeing him with the kids. they adored him...if he was doing something, even as little as crunching on potato chips, they were enamored. i could have been dancing on my head and they wouldn't have noticed. they did pay some attention to me though...mostly when i was feeding them. ha ha... my favorite moments were when the kids woke up during the night...matthew would be so confused and sleepy and hailey would just be so sweet. love those kids!

unfortunately on sunday night when we got home, my body started to fall apart...my hands, wrists, knee, and right foot/ankle became so sore. it's been a rough week since then but i think my hands are finally starting to improve. my hands have been bad off and on...probably every 7-10 days, my right hand "breaks." that's what i call it at least, but it's really only the RA. but it makes it so that i can't use my hand and it's a constant burning pain that feels like there are shards of glass in my hand. it's interesting trying to use my left hand for things...it does spark some laughter but mostly just tears.

still on the injectable methotrexate and did the second dose on sunday. the nausea subsided on saturday after so many weeks. i'm thankful that it has stopped and hope that it stays away. that was torture!

guess that's the update for now...