Bad day

I try to be upbeat, I really do. And I don't really want to write because I'm having a bad day. But I feel like this is the place where I'm supposed to let these things out. So here we go...

The mornings are getting really bad. I mean bad. This morning I was considering a cane because I can't stand on one leg in order to walk in the morning, but wasn't sure I'd be able to use it with my mannequin hands. Then I was sitting on the couch for a while trying to figure out how to make my breakfast. Just sitting there wondering if the food would just appear and if it did, how would I hold it? And dreading getting up from the couch because of the burning pain in my knees. Sitting on the toilet, or most seats for the matter, is a joke because they're too low to get down to or up from. Guess that's my punishment for snickering at my grandmother's high-rise toilet seat years ago. Anyway, then I went to work and had five new patients to see which means five neuro exams and almost as many handshakes from grateful patients and family members. How do you tell someone not to shake your hand? It could have been worse...I could have had my regular number of patients today instead of just five, but what's going to happen when I go back to my regular schedule? Oh I forgot about driving...turning the steering wheel, shifting gears, or even turning the key is a two handed job now.

Jeff asked me this morning if this was all worth it...told me that I can stop whenever I want to. How do you stop though? How do you give up on having a baby of your own? So then I started to cry but then stopped because I had put so much effort into getting my makeup on that it wasn't worth it to cry! Ha...I know my sister understands that thought. It's a good thing the afternoons and evenings are a little easier for me...it allows me to forget how bad the mornings are...keeps me going :)